that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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