At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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