Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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