I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
