MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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