I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
