and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
