I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
