making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
