Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
