pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
