i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
