He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
