summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
