is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
