So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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