imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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