but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize