I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
