im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
