I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
