i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
