Already got asked if we're dating
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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