Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
