We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i came on her dog
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
