Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
