Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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