it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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