My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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