I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
