I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
