My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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