"it" just moved
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sober January is a disaster.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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