I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize