I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
