im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
