She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
