even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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