Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
