piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
