Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
