my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
