my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm both gender and math confused
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
