I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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