peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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