I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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