Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize