yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
