it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
