its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
