nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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