I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
