yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
