I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
