Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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