he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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