could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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