How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
