Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
