My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
