I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize