I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
