I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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