can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
