So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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