I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
