my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
