I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
