Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
