my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
