Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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