Someone shit on the floor
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
