I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
