Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
