I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize