tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
