He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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