she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
