My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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