Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
