you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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