the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
