I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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