And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
