i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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