there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
