Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
