Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
