wrigley field is MILF paradise
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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