you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
