PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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