I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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