I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
These tits shall not be calmed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
