Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
