Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
