Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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