God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
