so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
