Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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