fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
