My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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