I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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