I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
