Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
