God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
