I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
