I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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